Just for just...

Little Miss Sunshine

Thu, 09 May 2013 18:13:12 +0300

Little Miss Sunshine

Hey folks it been a while! A very long while. I haven’t been here in ages but well I’m here now. A lot has been happening. Well not a lot but one major thing happened! I had a little girl. Yay. She’s the most precious thing ever. She is happy baby, she loves smiling and she has the most gorgeous smile. I should say she got that from me :p. Abi has the cutest little giggle like really little. If you met her it would be love at first sight J. You’re life will never be same again. And I’m not saying this because I’m her mother. Okay maybe I am but it’s been amazing falling in love with her and growing to love her. She’s an individual with a personality of her own. Like she’s a noise junkie and even with all the noise in the neighborhood, she is able to fall asleep and sleep through all sorts of things. She doesn’t really like the light and trying to adjust to it makes the area around her little nose a little red. She spends most of her time in doors. This is an African thing. We tend to keep most babies indoors till maybe around 4 months or even more. But little Abs is quite the adventurer. ;)

1 month

The little adventurer

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful things in the world but it also comes with it’s challenges. Like the weird baby fat that you can’t seem to loose in the first week like some other mothers. They say you’ll have sleepless nights but nothing ever prepares you for the bloodshot eyes that stare back at you in the mirror. Unless of course you’re an insomniac then you’ll do just fine. I read books and blogs and articles about motherhood and babies but none of them warned me about the first 3 or 4 months when the baby has gas or colic.
A newborn baby’s digestive system isn’t strong enough or prepared for life outside the womb so for the first few months 3 or 4 months to be exact (for some it goes all the way to 5 months), babies have loud growls in their tummies and gas and this is quite painful. Some babies cry for at least two hours straight then they fall asleep. Abi is still going through this phase but she doesn’t cry. She’s a strong girl. But she sometimes sets off a few screams and stuff but when she’s given her pacifier she’s relaxes and forgets about the pain. Strangely this pain usually happens in the night time. I haven’t yet figured out why.
The truth is even with all the challenges, I wouldn’t trade my motherhood experience for anything in the world. There is no place I’d rather be than here with my little miss sunshine.

This has been one of the biggest blessings in my life and I pray to God that I am a good mother and I pray that I am able to raise her in a way that glorifies God.

She likes making faces too.

This story

Mon, 11 Feb 2013 16:59:31 +0300

This story:

I couldn’t hold back my tears when I read this. A very amazing story.

Things to tell your daughter before she turns 10

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 10:22:33 +0300

Things to tell your daughter before she turns 10:

Interesting article.

MANDISA - GOD SPEAKING LYRICS

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 08:52:29 +0300

MANDISA - GOD SPEAKING LYRICS

Tiny Feet: Letter to my son or daughter.

Thu, 24 Jan 2013 13:31:01 +0300

There’s a famous soap ad that says “Geisha lasts and last like a mother’s love”. It might not be as popular these days as it used to be when I was growing up. But that soap eventually shrinks into a tiny unusable thing but a mother’s love, NEVER shrinks. Here are a few things I want to let you know.

I’ll always support your dreams no matter how outrageous or ridiculous they might seem. So always dream big and remember I’m here for you. I’ll help you build up your self esteem and always remind you of your uniqueness. And I won’t pull you down or belittle you or your dreams.

I promise not to lead you astray but show you the right way. To guide you, to advice you, to counsel you to teach you and share my knowledge and wisdom with you.

Whenever I discipline you for something you might have done, I’ll tell you why I’m disciplining you and I’ll remind you that I love you and I discipline you because I love you and I want you to do the right thing.

The truth is my dear, the world is a cruel place and you’ll meet people who love you and people who don’t. Be kind to all and show compassion to all even those who might seem harsh and difficult. The world is a wounded place which makes it cruel. When you add hurt to this world you make it even more wounded. Add love, happiness, kindness, joy to the world, you will be helping to heal this wounded world bit by bit.

Do not take what doesn’t belong to you but instead ask for what you need and respect other people’s property. Work hard to get what you need. They say “hard work pays”. Yes it pays and it also adds personal satisfaction.

People will come into your life for different reasons and each reason will be a lesson to learn. And not all lessons are great but they all teach us something. So, respect everyone and do not look down on anyone because everyone is important.

Prayer is very important. There is a famous hymn we sing called “What a friend we have in Jesus” there’s a part that says “Oh, what peace we often forfeit, Oh, what needless pain we bear, All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer!” Even when we don’t have an immediate answer, it is a sweet feeling to know that we have placed everything in the hands of the one person who has an amazing master plan.

A relationship with the almighty God is the most important relationship you can ever have. All the rest come second to that one. So give it priority. Walk with the Lord and let Him guide your every move and strive to grow deeper into fellowship with.

Remember to always have fun. Laugh as often as you can and never let the sadness that comes with sad times last for a long time. Always look on the bright side and find a reason to smile. Treasure each moment and live each moment as it comes. It might not be there forever. Remember to spread sunshine and happiness in people’s lives.

Remember that I will always love you. No matter what happens, and no matter what you might do. I love you and I am here for you.

Yours deeply,
Mommy.

Tiny Feet. Part 1. The beginning

Mon, 19 Nov 2012 13:43:00 +0300

I know this “documentation” is a 5 months late, but I guess I haven’t had the courage to share about this situation. But I’ll try to update weekly or bi-weekly and maybe go through this journey together.

As a woman, when you find out that you are having a baby, that’s the best news you could ever be told. And my initial reaction was that of excitement and wululation but then reality came back to take that joy away.
My situation isn’t foreign in any way. It’s one of those, “Single and pregnant” and not that “I’m dating someone but until we are married I’m single” definition, it’s the “I have no suitor period”. I met a guy who seemed pretty nice at that time and he was funny and charming and he seemed serious. Did I love him? Honestly, no. I was taken up in the moment. He came into my life at a time when I was just trying to sort out my feelings. He seemed to “like” me and which woman doesn’t like being “liked”. Anyway one thing led to another and in a moment of weakness, we slept together and I ended up pregnant. So he’s only option to this news was that I have an abortion. He made himself pretty clear. “I am not ready to have a baby and the only support I am willing to give you is to pay for the abortion”. I haven’t heard from him in months and well he made his decision and I am not one to force someone to stay around when they don’t want to.

As a Christian involved in church ministry, this was going to be one of my hardest battles so far. So I built up the courage, I told those people in my life who needed to know and I also had to wait for their reactions. These ranged on a scale of “I’m so so so disappointed in you to Oh my gosh that’s awesome news”. And when the rumor about the pregnancy spread like a wild fire, there was no going back.
I struggled with myself condemning myself for my momentary lapse in judgment to the judgment from other people to accepting forgiveness from other people, to people being extremely supportive and how to deal with it all. It seemed like too much to take in a short time. And to this day, I still struggle with some of these feelings.

2 Corinthians 12:9a “But He said to me, “My Grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”” This is what I heard God say to me every single day that I woke up. At different moments throughout the day, He reminded of this. I went to the Lord and sought for forgiveness and I felt forgiven. When I was in doubt He showed me this John 15:3 “YOU ARE ALREADY CLEAN because of the word I have spoken to you”. I have realized, there is no sin too great for Him to forgive. And no matter how I feel or what I go through, God’s grace is sufficient for me.

I knew I was going to have to go through a lot of letting go and accepting and believing and also living with the consequences of my sin like having my belly grow, morning sickness (that was not a good time) having some people treating me differently and some people loving me. There have been promises made and promises broken. Hearts have been broken. Not only mine but also of those people who had dreams and expectations of me. I have made apologies and I hope they’ve been accepted. I had to step down from ministry and let’s face a brutal fact, sometimes the church doesn’t take to kindly to sinners. This I have learnt the hard way but I have also learnt that nobody is perfect and each and everyone of us lives in constant need of grace and forgiveness. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion on a situation and even when it doesn’t please me at all, I have to accept that that’s how they feel and I also have to consciously decide on what to take in and what to leave out.
I am on this life long journey and I know I am not alone but the times when I feel lonely are also there. I am reminded though that God promised never to leave me nor forsake me Hebrews 13:5. Human beings might disappoint me or let me down, but He is faithful and keeps His promises, Numbers 24:19 And He is a mighty and big God and one who owns everything. So I know He has plan for my life and for my baby and this baby is not a mistake. He has a plan for the baby as well Psalm 139:13-16 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be”.
This not what I planned or dreamed my life would go but I am here, I might as well live right. I honestly wouldn’t want to look back and think to myself I could have handled that situation better. Right now, I feel like I’m handling it in the best way possible.

Till next time, feel free to ask questions :)

Letter to me

Tue, 06 Nov 2012 15:54:10 +0300

Dear Me,
The past 6 months or so have been the craziest months in my life ever, but I should say I am slowly gaining ground. The landing is a still a little bit shaky but I am trying. So in a bid to try and do some so soul searching, I realized I have been selfish in my attitude and reactions towards different behaviors. I have hurt people I never dreamt of hurting and I have apologized for it. I am not one to dwell on spilt milk, so I move on with life and hope others will move along with me. I hate being all by myself because that’s boring but I’ve learnt not to hold on to promises made by people because circumstances change and these changes cause people to change. Sometimes their deepest sincerity is shown or sometimes their selfish human nature is put in the spot light.
What I want to remind today is that is as much as you may feel justified about getting angry over someone’s broken promise, you need to understand the circumstances involved. Entire worlds shift and change because of these circumstances and in the process of people adjusting to the “Earthquake” lots of reactions are generated and hence promises that are broken. Life is complicated and sometimes simple solutions prove to be the most difficult ones.
Today is yet another opportunity for you to grow wiser, use it very wisely. You can choose to play the victim one more day and waste the day or you can choose to see things from someone else’s point of view. And maybe walk in their shoes for a change. Try looking at things in perspective as opposed to the self centered thinking you are used to. Remember some of the answers to life’s questions are in black and white and sometimes they are in shades of gray. Be patient with people as they work through the “earthquakes” that rumble their lives. Also, Remember, Regardless of what our emotions or our circumstances may tell us, God’s word says “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Make even more peace with those you have hurt over the past few months and forgive all those who have hurt you! The rest of your life is just beginning so start if off on a high note! In this new phase, you get to do this once so think critically, choose your travelling gear wisely because the journey has just began.
Till next time

Love always
Self!

High Ranking phones

Thu, 18 Oct 2012 12:56:21 +0300

If I to continue with this silly theory that one day Robots will take over the world, then all the phones will transform. This is what I think the phones will be like.

The Upper class: If Siri of the iPhone fame isn’t the brains behind this Global coup de tat, then the big boss will make her the head of all mobile phones. Currently she’s a she so I wonder what will happen to Samsung because frankly speaking Samsung sounds like a guy and one who doesn’t like a boss like Siri. In this Upper class, the likes of Blackberry, Samsung (mini galaxy, pocket, the galaxy sII and all the Samsung high end phones or smart phones), iPhones, the Smart phone LG phones, Sony Ericsson smart phones and technically all the smart phones will be in this group.
These ones will be the ones that get their monthly maintenance from the Capital (Usually the headquarters of the ruling party). They’ll mostly be snobs and they’ll be very privileged. You know like how upper class peeps from like those days have always been.

The Middle class: Well all those big companies have like not so very smart phones. Those ones will be in this category. They’ll have some privileges, and also get upgrades. Not as cool as the Upper class guys but enough to get by and not get thrown in the pit (Where all the failed phones go. Never to be seen again) They get their upgrades from the district headquarters for free.

The Lower class: In this class, there will be mostly the Chinese made phones. You know the likes of Nokla, ZTE’s that aren’t android driven. These ones might be leaving in the “Ghetto”. They had to pay for upgrades unlike the other two. Their jobs won’t be all that cool. These ones well, their voice boxes are a little more high pitched that the others. If ever a battle broke out, they would be sent to the front. They are considered brave!

Well, hopefully phones and all modern technology doesn’t take over. I wonder what cars will be like!

Thoughts from a bored mind….

"I need thy sense of time Always I have an underlying anxiety about things. Sometimes I am in a..."

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 13:14:07 +0300

“I need thy sense of time
Always I have an underlying anxiety about things. Sometimes I am in a hurry to achieve my ends and am completely without patience. It is hard for me to realize that some growth is slow, that all processes are not swift. I cannot always discriminate between what takes time to develop and what can be rushed. Because my sense of time is dulled. I measure things in terms of happenings. O to understand the meaning of perspective that I may do all things with a profound sense of leisure of time.
I need thy sense of order
The confusion of the details of living is sometimes overwhelming. The little things keep getting in my way providing ready-made excuses for failure to do and to be what I ought to do and be. Much time is spent on things that are not very important while significant things are put into an insignificant place in my scheme or order. I must unscramble my affairs so that my life will become order. O God, I need thy sense of order.”

- Deep is the Hunger, by Howard Thurman (A Guide to Prayer P.217)

SeizedByAGreatAffection: God, Don't Use Me.

Thu, 13 Sep 2012 23:48:49 +0300

SeizedByAGreatAffection: God, Don't Use Me.:

mikedonehey:

Our band played a festival called Lifelight last night.
It’s a quite large gathering that happens every year in South Dakota.
Completely free, and completely crazy, this was the third time we’ve played there,
and needless to say, it didn’t fail to live up to our expectations.
The people who…

http://www.pastorwa.com/2010/07/is-single-mom-hidden-treasure.html

Tue, 11 Sep 2012 13:26:08 +0300

http://www.pastorwa.com/2010/07/is-single-mom-hidden-treasure.html:

Uh huh okay…

"WHY COMPLICATE LIFE!! Missing somebody?- call Wanna meet up? - invite Wanna be understood?-..."

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 10:16:47 +0300

“WHY COMPLICATE LIFE!!
Missing somebody?- call
Wanna meet up? - invite
Wanna be understood?- explain
Have questions? - ask
Don’t like something? - say it
Like something? - state
That’s the way to Goooo.. lolz”

- Emily…One the young bright hilarious girls I know

30 things to stop doing to yourself

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 12:47:20 +0300

30 things to stop doing to yourself

Way to go buddy!!!…Looking sharp

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 12:30:02 +0300

Way to go buddy!!!…Looking sharp

Today it makes more sense that it did before! Lady Antebellum -...

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 12:41:32 +0300

Today it makes more sense that it did before!

Lady Antebellum - Somewhere Love Remains (by ilove2shop100)

Extracts from them, us and me!

Thu, 21 Jun 2012 09:51:17 +0300

She collected the pieces of the memories they shared and sat on the floor. Her mind was a fast thinking mind and this time it wondered at double the rate it usually did! She wondered where she went wrong, what she did wrong but she realized as she listened that she probably had never been enough in the first place. And she considered that now she had learnt her lesson and there was a point in everyone’s life where you just let it go! She had always been one to invest (sometimes too heavily) in something she believed in. She made sacrifices, she compromised, she understood, and she tried her best not to give up. She only did when she felt it broke her! And now, now she didn’t know her next move, she didn’t have a plan, she didn’t have a starting point. She just sat there wondering where to begin from. How to uninvest. How to not think about it too much!

Life needs to go on.
Time and emotion spent in investing in any relationship that doesn’t work out, can never be gotten back! Everything will remind you of the person. And that will probably go on for the rest of your life. But Life goes on.

“It will hurt to know that certain people might value like others and they’d let you go before they knew what you are about or what and at that moment it hurts and sucks but it gets better with time”

“Time heals all wounds and the scars remain but only as reminders that you survived and they are like a mile stone”

“They see you smile and laugh and they hear you crack jokes but they don’t know the depth of the pain. But then just like that few days later, you realize the pain didn’t kill you and that you can get through it”

“You think, this is it! I am done with making friends and stuff like that but then this phase comes and it goes…You heal”

“That moment when you realize I can do this. It won’t be easy and it some days will be sooooooo painful but the you can do it. You can make it”

I am found in the aftermath. I have become wiser and I have also become more cautious (and this is a good bad thing). I have become stronger, better, faster and more understanding. I find hope in the aftermath. I look forward to the aftermath. I find me when I feel lost!

You don’t give up until you’ve tried and when you tried and it seems hopeless, you let go because maybe your trying to hard!

Do you think you will write a book one day?

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 12:59:17 +0300

Yes. I will.

8 signs you’re not ready for a relationship

Tue, 19 Jun 2012 10:50:34 +0300

I thought I’d share this that i read sometime back!

8 signs you’re not ready for a relationship

FEBRUARY 28, 2011 BY Quentin maccall

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

One of the most asked questions I get is “When do I know I am ready for relationship?” There is no cookie cutter answer to this, but as always I will give my perspective based on what I have been through and past suggestions that have been successful. I want to stress we all have a love tank that needs to be filled, but we don’t have fill that tank through the opposite sex in the confines of an romantic relationship. The need for companionship often leads to developing unhealthy habits that only delay having a healthy relationship partner. When you can be happy alone, then you are ready for a relationship or marriage. Here are my 8 signs you are not ready for love:

1. You struggle with insecurities. Insecurities only make our relationships worse and not better. You will always have those situations where arguments and problems blow up because of insecurities. In some cases of insecurities you are only seeking the relationship because of your insecurities because it makes you feel better about yourself. I discuss this topic deeper in my blog.
2. You have not healed from past pains or bitterness. When we refuse to heal and forgive we allow the person in our past to have control over us. When you forgive you release that pain and the control it has over you. Holding anger from a past relationship will only make you bitter. I discuss this topic deeper in my blog. If bitterness is your issue read the blog
3. You have not taken responsibility for the part you played in the failure of your past relationships. We always hear people say “it was not my fault” or “he did this or she did that” the truth of the matter is that we are all participators in our pain- there are no victims. We have to always look ourselves in the mirror and ask the questions, what is wrong with me. And how can I improve to make my life better? I think we rarely see this type of deep introspection, but we often see the victim mentality. Good or bad your past relationships can make you a better person if you allow those experiences to inspire growth.
4. You don’t love yourself. Often people don’t understand what this truly means. Loving self doesn’t mean, “ I am doing me” or “It’s all about me”; that is simply an immature and selfish thought process. Loving self means you understand your self-worth and you do things daily to improve who you are and the lives of others around you. When you love yourself, you treat people kind and you seek a mutual oneness with those connected to you. When we seek relationships without loving self, our self-worth is tied to the connection of another person. Our self-worth goes up and down depending on how the person with whom we’re connected feels about us. So, when your relationship partner puts you down you believe what they say. Develop a health self-love before seeking relationships.
5. You’re selfish and have a critical spirit. Selfish people can’t love unconditionally, period, so this is something we must be mindful of. If you are selfish, you only love in the moment and once that moment is over, you are gone. When things are hard, difficult, or not your way, you bounce as well. A critical spirit is based in pride. When we are critical, we kill the spirit of other people. Work on these things before seeking a relationship.
6. You are fresh out of a relationship. This is a huge one! I see this far too often. Give yourself time to heal before rushing into a new relationship. I’ve been in a relationship with a woman who was not ready for a relationship, because she was not healed from her last one. Even before we got serious, I knew it was a bad idea and God even warned me, but I moved out of my human emotion. When we make emotional decisions, in most cases, it leaves us heart-broken. Rebound relationships may numb your pain, but will delay your healing. Give yourself time to heal. The longer the past relationship, the longer you need to take to heal. Learn more by listening to me discuss the issue.
7. You can’t be happy alone. The ability to be happy alone is a prerequisite to being ready for a relationship or marriage. I discuss this deeper in my audio series.
8. You’re still dealing with your ex. Don’t pursue relationships with people if you are still dealing with your ex. It’s kind of sad that I even have to discuss this one, but of course we know people do this all the time. Make a decision about your ex before creating something new.

A must read!

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 11:57:53 +0300

A must read!

Lead Me-Sanctus Real

Tue, 05 Jun 2012 15:17:10 +0300

I look around and see my wonderful life

Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames, I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear her saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They’re just children from the outside
I’m working hard, I tell myself they’ll be fine
They’re independent, but on the inside

Oh, I can hear them saying

Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can’t
Don’t leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you’re willing to fight
That I’m still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh Father, show me the way
To lead them

Won’t You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love
Chasing things that I could give up

I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me ‘cause I can’t do this alone

Father, lead me ‘cause I can’t do this alone